


A Fool's Game

by buttcushions



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Crack, F/M, M/M, Pranks, old fashioned mischief
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-25
Updated: 2013-12-22
Packaged: 2018-01-02 14:26:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1057848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buttcushions/pseuds/buttcushions
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thor brings Jane to Asgard and suffice to say, Loki is all but pleased. How can the second-prince of Asgard rid of his troubles? What he knows best: mischief, of course.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Strange Winds

**Author's Note:**

> Knowing me, I'm never going to complete this. But oh will I try. This is unbeta'd so any fuck-ups are my own. Happy reading, children.

Loki scowled as he peered out from behind the column. Thor was showing that abominable cunt of a Midgardian, Jane the main hall of the palace as she clung to his arm like the plague. It sickened him. He sat back on his haunches as a guard walked by, taking the moment to collect himself.

It had been some time since Loki realized that Jane needed to be rid of, and even longer a time that he knew he was painfully, and unspeakably in love with his brother. Perhaps that cognizance had come about when he may or may not have magicked himself invisible and watched Thor in the baths, though it just might have been the times he allowed his touches to linger somewhere in the homo-incestuous range when they sparred. That was trivial now, though. While he could sap the malice that he had nurtured all these years from himself to murder Jane in the most brutal way he knew how, utilizing his honed skill of mischief and trickery seemed exponentially more fun.

Thor's voice was hardly audible as he gestured wildly to various paintings and tapestries in the hall, though Loki couldn't admit that he very much cared to know what he was saying. He peeked out once more from his hiding spot and murmured an incantation below his breath. A tear-inducingly loud, wet honk filled the chamber causing Thor to stop his tour as Jane turned visibly bright red. Loki hoped silently that the gas would blind her permanently. From where he sat, he could hear her apologize profusely, insisting that it wasn't her, as Thor nodded understandingly. 

"There is no shame in that, Jane. Do not worry," Loki managed to make out from the garble, "It is normal to on the occasion, ah, flatulate." She buried her face in her hands, still babbling incoherently as Thor rubbed comforting circles on her back. If his eyes did not deceive him, he could have sworn he saw Thor grimacing at the smell. Loki fell backwards as he muffled his laughter. He rolled over and made his escape as Thor toed away from the epicentre of the smell.

\--

At dinner that night, Loki decided to repeat his trick, only having this time having the misdemeanour be one of the silent-but-violent variety. He made a point then to ask loudly if anything smelled rotten as Jane attempted in vain to conceal her mortification.

 

\--

 

Loki stayed awake that night, plotting in between his bouts of laughter on that day's events. ‘If only,’ he thought, ‘I had a camera.’ ‘The memories ought to suffice,’ he concluded. The ideas, it seemed, flowed sluggishly from his mind as he scrapped outline after outline. Being a pain in the ass certainly required more planning than one would assume.

"Prank, prank, prank," he muttered as he dragged the feathered end of his quill across his face. When they were younger, he and Thor would spend afternoons tracing words into each other's skin, trying to guess what the other had inscribed. He wondered bitterly if Thor planned to do the same with Jane. He huffed, standing up roughly. "I need a drink."

 

\--

It was not often that Loki went out to the taverns of Asgard, especially alone. He saved such instances for nights of particular spiralling despair that seemed painfully more frequent as of late. He supposed this was one of them. 

He cursed, pulling his green cape about close about him and out of the path of the nameless, stumbling drunk. He realized then why his visits were so small in number. He sat at the bar, drinking in the heady smell of ales and mead. It reminded him of the days before he came of age when Thor would sneak him off to taverns under the protection of the night. He smiled at the thought, dropping it abruptly as he felt a hand paw at his arm.

He turned about, met from the stink of breath that emitted from the rotted mouth of some drunken man. "Prince Loki, it has been a while, has it not?" he slurred. Loki never recalled seeing him before in his life, "You look ravishing tonight, I must say." The man hiccoughed as he swayed from an invisible wind. He wiped lazily at his nose, "would you make love to me, my prin-"

Loki rolled his eyes, punching the man square in the face as he turned back towards the bar. "Pardon me," he called out to the bartender, "I am afraid my friend has passed out," he said, gesturing to the man's prone form, "Do take him out, and if you would be so kind, bring me a tankard of ale as well." He smiled sweetly, and looked curiously down the bar top. At the end was the unmistakable form of his brother, slouched over a drained tankard. He looked unwell. He stepped down from his stool and elbowed through the crowd.

"Thor?" he said, placing his hand atop his brother's shoulder.

Thor turned around, smiling glumly as he realized who had called his name. "Loki," he said, "what brings you out of your lair?"

Loki smiled in response to Thor's attempt joke, though it’s mirth never reached his eyes. He assumed from his brother’s demeanour that he wished not to joke. "What troubles you, my brother?" he asked innocently.

"It is Father," he admitted with a sigh, "He disapproves of my relationship with Lady Jane. I do not understand why, we are a good match." Loki nodded understandingly, covering his detest for the woman with a sympathetic smile. He wondered if Thor would ever understand the disapproval that would come along with the coupling he wished himself to be in. "I care for her, though, with all of my being. There is one issue, though."

"Go on," Loki pressed with an encouraging smile. If he could find one fault Thor saw in Jane, he would take it. Greedily, even.

Thor blushed. "Being that I am a man of larger sizes, and Jane of sizes much smaller," he cleared his throat, "we cannot very well-'

Loki subdued his growing smirk. "What cannot you both do, Thor?" he asked with what seemed like sincere concern.

"We cannot lay together. Attempts have been made, but they have gone horribly wrong. It certainly has put a damper on things."

If ever one could dance internally and show nothing but sadness on their exterior, that one would be Loki. "Oh, brother. I am most sorry for your troubles, though I must be off." He had mischief to tend to, and he wished not to keep it waiting. As he turned to leave, he was stopped by Thor's voice.

"Loki, do you know of anything that could help Lady Jane and I?" he asked with pleading eyes that were so very Thor.

Loki mock-pondered for a moment, before turning on his heel. "I'm afraid not, though you could try cunnilingus." He looked over his shoulder to see Thor bury his face in his hands with an exasperated groan.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is a bit longer than the last, and it contains more brother-moments. Again, this went unbeta'd and largely unchecked, so any mistakes are my fuck-uppery. 
> 
> This is the longest fic I have written thus far, and that isn't saying much. Many thanks for your support and what have you.
> 
> Enjoy, little duckylings.

Loki groaned his discontent as he stepped into the uncomfortably cold night air. Yule was nearly upon them, and he had little intentions upon spending it with Jane. He paused, snorting at the expense of Thor's situation. Knowing that it likely would lead to the downfall of his and his mortal's relationship made him burst into rumbling laughter.

"What's so funny, you bloody drunk?" a man called to him from the barrel on which he sat.

Loki grabbed him by the shoulders, throwing his head back in a scream, "My brother can't get laid!"

 

\--

Back in his room, Loki removed his heavy cloak, tossing it onto the floor in a rumpled heap. He shrugged and added his breeches and decorative armour to the pile. If he could recall correctly, the saying went that most strokes of genius came to those who are naked. Something like that. He paced the floor in thought. 

"It is only a matter of time before he loses interest in her," he noted. Thor was a selfish man, Loki knew that. There were only so many dealing-outs of oral sex and sessions of secret masturbation he could take. "He'll grow simply ravenous for a lover's touch, one that Jane cannot provide," he smiled, "perhaps I could take her place." That was the grand finale to his performance, though. Atop her jealousy and betrayal, Loki intended to add a decent proportion of embarrassment and shame. If he didn't, he certainly would not be Loki Odinson.

"But oh did not Thor look ravishing tonight?" Loki confessed as he flopped facedown onto his bed, "For a man so mighty, so strong, sorrow and horniness are such lovely colours on them." He rolled onto his back. "He ought to wear them more often." He hardly noticed the heavy footsteps approaching his door as he deeply kissed the air above him, rolling his hips into his own invisible brother.

"Loki!" Thor yelped in surprise as he barged through the door.

"Thor!" he said in return, pulling his knees towards his chest in an attempt to hide himself, "Just a moment, brother." Thor averted his gaze as Loki scrambled to pull a long tunic over his head. "I, well, what is your purpose?" he asked, collecting himself.

"I came to thank you for your advice," Thor said as he walked into the room. He gestured to the bed, "May I?" Loki nodded, seating himself next to the dip his brother made on the mattress. "I took your counsel and I suppose it worked. Jane is now asleep and I thought to see you. There must be some way you know of that would allow for mutual-"

"Norns, Thor!" Loki said, leaning away, "do not speak to me with _vagina breath_. Did you bother washing your mouth out before coming to me?"

Thor laughed, "Only for you." He looked to his lap, "I apologize for asking so frequently for your assistance today, though you must understand my urgency. You could save Jane and I's relationship. Admittedly, there are not many dealing-outs of oral sex and sessions of secret masturbation I can take." Loki spluttered at the accuracy of his previous thoughts. 

"Now that you mention it, there is perhaps a spell I may know of," he said with a dissembling grin that bordered on mischievous, "Though it must wait until Yuletide; it regards the amount of seidr I am able to perform given the yggdrasilistic conditions, nothing you would understand." He cringed minutely. "That, I shall tell you of another day. For now, speak to me as a brother, as we used to." It was then decided that the final prank, the coup de grâce, would be on the last day of Yule.

"I suppose I could allow that," Thor said with a smile and Loki swore it was the reason the sun rose, "Yuletide soon is upon us, is it not? It is a time of nostalgia for me; I take often the time to reminisce on childhood. I must admit, I miss you," Thor said, his words faltering, "Loki?" He nodded dreamily in response. Thor's lips looked lovely when they formed words. "I must ask that you remove your hand, or at least explain its purpose." Loki looked to his hand that had seemed to sneak its way up Thor's thigh.

"Oh, this?" Loki said rather awkwardly, slapping at Thor's leg, "You had a bug resting upon you. I killed it just as you mentioned, do not worry. You ought to keep watch for disgusting creatures that claim residence near your crotch, it is unbecoming."

"Always looking out for your foolish brother, you are," Thor said pleasantly, "You truly are too good to me, Loki." He looked to his hands briefly, tracing him thumb over the lines in his palm. "What happened to us? We were inseparable as children, and now you grace my presence with far less frequency.'

'Perhaps your deep interest in mortal bints and my deep love and jealousy for you, but I am rather confident it is due to our conflicting schedules," Loki thought bitterly. "I know not, Thor," Loki said shrugging. He looked up with a grin, "I suppose I am far too busy being content without your presence. You aren't as wonderful as you think, brother."

Thor laughed, "And you, my brother are not as clever as you think." He rose from the bed, Loki following suit. He held Loki by the neck, stroking the skin there with his thumb, "I must be off, brother. Be not a stranger." 

"Farewell, Thor," Loki said, standing still until the door closed once more. "By the Norns," he breathed, touching the spot where Thor's hand laid not moments before.

\--

That night, Loki dreamed of curiously large horses. He didn't believe there was any significance to it, but it confused him all the same.

\--

Loki arrived in the dining hall to see that Thor and Jane had beaten him there. "Good morning," he said warmly as he settled into his seat, "Thor, Lady Jane." Oh how he wished to gouge her eyes out with a spoon. He refrained. "Ah, a fine cup of tea this cold morning seems lovely, does it not?" Loki said as he gestured over a server, "Would anyone care to join?" Almost unseen, he pressed a small vial into their palm.

"You're right," Jane said sweetly, "that seems wonderful." Loki offered to her the bitchface of bitchfaces, hidden beneath a facade of good wishes. 

Loki plucked a grape from the large platter of fruit, popping it into his mouth, "So, I hear you and Thor are _hitting it off_ , as they say in Midgard," he smiled, "How long have you known each other, again? Two months?"

Thor reached about Jane's shoulders, thoroughly missing the intended insult, "Two and a half," he corrected. Everyone, it seemed was oblivious to the stab. "One could say we are becoming rather serious."

"Oh I see," Loki said with a nod as the servant placed a cup of tea before him and Jane. "The potion?" he mouthed to the servant, who nodded quickly before scurrying away.

Thor leaned forward with furrowed brows, "Pardon, what was that?" 

Loki shrugged, "Oh, nothing. Simply offering my thanks where it is due." He stirred his tea briefly with his spoon before placing it back onto the table, "Does not it smell _divine_?" He could almost gag from the false saccharine of his tone.

Jane sipped at it quickly, "Oh, definitely. Tea on Earth is tap water compared to this."

"Tap water?" Thor asked.

Jane interjected between sips, "Poor-person water."

"You must know all about that," Loki muttered into his cup. The potion was taking a while to work. He was certain he made the instant-action variety-

"I sometimes binge eat family-sized bags of Doritos," Jane blurted. There we go.

"Do-ri-toes?" Thor sounded out with confusion.

"Thor, I don't know what's hap- I used to masturbate to soap operas." She covered her mouth. "Help!" she squeaked, words muffled behind her palms.

"My goodness," Loki said, "Lady Jane, are you divulging to us your secrets?"

"It seems- I had a crush on Keith Richards since I was 11," she blurted out, not before burying her face into Thor's shoulders, muttering about peeing the bed a year ago.

"Bring her to your room, Thor. Anything it is ought to wear off in at least a day," Loki offered, rising to his feet.

"Many thanks, Loki," Thor said, lifting Jane who admitted to having a punk stage, "I shall take your advice."

Loki watched as they left, walking over to the servant who had helped him early. "I must thank you for your assistance, my good man," he said, slipping a few gold coins into his pocket, "I hope you find my reward most formid-"

"I fantasize about you cleaning my laundry"


	3. The Moping, Drunken Diaries of Loki Odinson

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is approximately half the size of the other chapters, but worry not, I plan to write more. Consider this the first of two parts for this update. 
> 
> As usual, this has gone unbeta'd, unedited; hell, I didn't read it over.
> 
> Beware:  
> Drunk, dancing, lonely Loki and pop-hit carols.

Despite Jane's presence, Loki thought it right to get himself in the holiday spirit -- with vodka he stole from Midgard, as well as a collection CD of the top 50 Christmas hits. He reckoned one could literally smell pathetic defeat on him.

Loki deftly wrapped his bedposts in evergreen garland as he hummed along to _White Christmas._ It certainly was less lengthy an endeavour with the assistance of magic, but he supposed it removed a certain charm decorating by hand had. Also, it acted as something to distract him from the moaning coming from Thor’s room across the hall. Good to know that Jane was a screamer. He marked that down in his mind.

It was somewhere during the time he began setting up his own tree that the song changed. It was disgustingly pop-esque and whiny. He decided he liked it.

> _I don't want a lot for Christmas_   
>  _There is just one thing I need_   
>  _I don't care about the presents_   
>  _Underneath the Christmas tree_

He shrugged, jogging over to the box of ornaments on his bed. He grabbed a red, shiny bauble in each hand and danced to the tree, using his magic to hang them as he embarrassingly-jazzily stepped to the box again. He blamed it on the alcohol.

> _I just want you for my own_   
>  _More than you could ever know_   
>  _Make my wish come true_   
>  _All I want for Christmas is you, yeah._

There were two wooden horses he and Thor made when they were younger. He took them into his hands, smiling at the shakily-painted saddles and smiles on them. The paint was starting to chip from the faded wood. They would go together on his tree. He two-stepped to the tree and placed them side by side, watching them as they twirled about their twine, bumping into each other.

> _Oh, all the lights are shining_   
>  _So brightly everywhere_   
>  _And the sound of children's_   
>  _Laughter fills the air._

Oh, did he want Thor. He found a quick spin to the beat helped to illustrate such a need. It boiled his blood to know that of all people, it was the useless mortal that won his attention. Typical. ‘ _Imagine,’_ he thought, ‘ _if Thor were to come through the door just this moment and spare him a dance.’_ Loki smiled, ‘ _as any gentleman would, he’d end it with a kiss.’_ There was a particularly loud moan from his brother’s room. ‘ _That would never happen, though.’_

The song changed once more, and he mentally applauded shuffle for reading his mind.

> _Last Christmas I gave you my heart_   
>  _But the very next day you gave it away_   
>  _This year to save me from tears_   
>  _I'll give it to someone special_

He knew this one. He gathered up a broom, dancing with it as he sang. As he spun about the room, false-Thor in arms, he wondered if songs like these were written with gay Norse gods with unrequited-brother-love like himself.

> _Once bitten and twice shy_   
>  _I keep my distance but you still catch my eye_   
>  _Tell me baby, do you recognize me?_   
>  _Well, it's been a year, it doesn't surprise me_

Unlike the song, he wasn’t willing to simply mourn his loneliness. He’d win Thor, he’d rid of Jane. After all, there wasn’t anyone else for him but Thor.

> _A face on a lover with a fire in his heart_   
>  _A man undercover but you tore him apart_   
>  _Maybe next year I'll give it to someone_   
>  _I'll give it to someone special_

 

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has gotten more support than I had expected, and certainly more than I deserve. I'm not really sure how I want to bridge where I'm from to the end, though I'm rather certain of how I want the outcome. Pardon my Christmas spirit, though. If anyone wants to perhaps drop some recommendations in the good old askbox, find me at ask-the-norse-homos or i-am-thor-odinson on Tumblr. Merry Thanksgiving(?) you sonsabitches
> 
>  
> 
> Songs referenced:  
> Mariah Carey - All I Want For Christmas is You  
> Wham! - Last Christmas


	4. Crying is the Most Fun a God Can Have Without Taking His Clothes Off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, part two of today's update was way larger than I expected it to be. Imagine getting pregnant and surprise-- you have octuplets. That's me right now. I am octomom.
> 
> This is one is a little tits up and I made Loki cry-- something i have mentally sworn to never do. The characterization in this fic has been balls, anyhow. Meh, it's something to read. Also, pardon my usage of all-caps in the end, I likewise mentally swore to never do that. This is the fic of breaking the rules.
> 
> Do enjoy, my pets.
> 
> Anyhow, there are a few references in the fic itself and in the title, kudos to you if you can get them.

Loki called up an escort to warm his bed that night. It wasn’t unpleasant an experience, but it certainly wasn’t Thor. Nothing truly could be. Thor was a warmth and brightness that not even fire could rival. His hurt not when you touched it, but instead when it left you. Loki was very careful about what names he called out when they fucked.

\--

Admittedly, Loki was glad that Yule was drawing to an end. He took little pleasure in the parties, though he certainly was not one to argue with getting positively shitfaced on eggnog. Seeing Thor with Jane pained him, especially as she was no nameless slut that he would use for the night. She was more permanent than that. He decided it was the gathering that night during which he would hold his penultimate prank. Being himself, though, he had to ensure that he was dressed perfectly for the occasion.

He stood before his mirror in a rather dashing ensemble of leather pants, an armoured top and his green cape. “No,” he said, posing, “Too ordinary.” He turned about, craning his neck over his shoulder to inspect his butt. Round, lovely, as usual.

He removed his cape in favour of one lined with rich furs, and donned a darker pair of boots. He fixed how the fur collar sat on his shoulders and peered back into the mirror. “Absolutely sexy,” he decided, “It will do.”

\--

The palace looked even more grand than usual during Yuletide. After all, it was the celebration for the Allfather. Most people forgot that, preferring to instead recognize it as the holiday during which they got blackout-drunk. Things usually are up to the interpretation of the individual.

Despite the holly and the trappings, upon entering the crowded hall and seeing his shining brother before him, Loki knew Thor was the mantelpiece of the celebration. His golden hair hung in simple braids about his face, lightly flushed from the mead and livelihood of the party. Loki could kiss him.

He walked through the crowd, greeting briefly those who turned to them. From behind him, he tugged on one of Thor’s braids, laughing as his oaf of a brother spun about to find the perpetrator.

“Loki,” Thor said, beaming. He pulled his brother into a hug, patting his back before releasing him, much to Loki’s dismay. “You look different, it certainly is the fur,” he said, Loki mentally patted himself on the back for his outfit choice, “Worry not, it looks wonderful.”

“Many thanks,” Loki said, “but I am afraid I cannot say the same for you. You eternally look hideous. Perhaps I ought to buy you a bag with which you can cover your face.”

Thor rolled his eyes, “Do not lie to yourself, brother. It is fact that you think me handsome.” Loki gasped indignantly in response.

“Fact? Deemed fact by whom?”

“By yourself,” Thor replied, “I hear you when you look into the mirror, ‘ _Oh, how I wish I could look as lovely as my brother. I wish I could woo the maidens as he does_ -“

“I do _not_ talk like that,” Loki said as he nudged into Thor’s side, “Get me a drink and perhaps I shall forgive you.”

“Accompany me and it’s a deal,” Thor replied, as he pushed gently at Loki’s back in the direction of the food. “Jane is off with mother somewhere,” he began, “It pleases me to see them get along so well. It is simply father who is not fond of her.”

“ _And myself,”_ Loki thought bitterly. “I fear for you,” he admitted.

Thor paused, turning around, “Why so?”

“It is that...” he picked about for ways to make his discontent seem as polite as possible, “I wish not to see you get hurt. Mortals lives are transient things, brother, and I do not doubt you will care for Jane until her life reaches its end. I fear some of you will pass with her.”

Thor looked to his feet, swallowing, “I have thought of that many times,” he admitted slowly, “but I tell myself this: It is better to love with a lion’s heart than to let yourself be governed by fear. Love is a thing that is better to have ripped from you than to have never had it at all.”

“I suppose I understand that,” Loki said slowly, considering Thor’s words. They were so painfully _him,_ live in the moment despite whatever pain it would later bring. They were brash, they were reckless, they were painfully endearing. He used them as justification for his sudden urge to admit to Thor how he had been pining after him. He decided against it. “You shall never cease to amaze me, Thor Odinson.” He turned to leave, stopped by his brother’s hand.

“Have you ever been in love, Loki?” Thor asked quietly, “for it seems that you don’t truly understand.”

“I am unsure,” Loki began, “but if I have, it was never returned. Perhaps I’ll never understand, but there are some, I suppose, that will never find love as they will never search for it, either.”

Thor let out a noise of disbelief, “Love- love is a many splendored thing, love lifts us up where we belong. All you need is love,” he paused, “yes, that’s it. All you need is love.”

Loki rolled the phrase over his tongue, smiling as Thor pulled him closer. _All you need is love._ He swore Thor was about to lean in a press those _perfect lips_ to his just as fucking Jane arrived.

“Oh, hi guys,” she said with a wave. Cunt. “This is amazing, really. The parties on Earth were nothing like this.” She walked into Thor’s embrace, and Loki swore he felt his very being shatter when they kissed. His soul next shattered when the kissed once more. He wasn’t sure what else shattered when they kissed the third time, but he was certain that it was something.

“I believe I must be off,” Loki said as they stared into each other’s eyes like lovesick jerkoffs.

Thor broke from Jane, grabbing his brother by the hand, “Whatever for? You have just only arrived.”

Loki unwound his fingers from Thor’s, “Worry not. You have plenty of marvellous company, I wish not to spoil your evening for you.” He pushed through the crowd and into the corridor, shutting himself into a broom closet. He remembers vaguely hiding there as a child during one of the games he and Thor used to play.

“He’ll never give her up,” he lamented, burying his face in his hands, “and here I am in a damned broom closet while they make sex eyes at each other. This stupid plan was never going to work in the first place, and I swear I shall die of blueballs.” He sobbed pathetically, wiping his eyes on his sleeves. As the door opened, he yelped at the attack of ambient light from the hallway upon his eyes.

“Master Loki, is that you-“

“ ** _DON’T FUCKING LOOK AT ME!”_**


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this ended up less funny, early and sexy than I thought it would. I'll try for the smut and put that as a little extra, but I don't know, maybe I will, maybe I won't. Yeah, this sort of sucks, but hey, it's something.
> 
> Edit:  
> I was told by an outside source that I ought to end this here, and I sort of agree. I don't know how I would go about wrapping it up, but I do apologise profusely. This isn't what I had envisioned and it certainly got less funny, but hey, it is something. dont hate me.

It was the servant with a kink for Loki doing laundry. Of course. "What do you want?" Loki hissed, dabbing at his eyes.

"Oh, I apologize. I heard something from the closet, and-and I came to check and you were in here, so I-" he paused, twiddling nervously with his thumbs, "Is there anything I could do for you, Master Loki?"

He huffed in response, "No. Away with you, fool." A sly grin spread across his face as he rose from the floor of the broom closet. "Actually, there is a task that you could do for me."

The servant brightened, "Anything, anything you wish."

"Kidnap Lady Jane," Loki said immediately. The servant blanched.

"Master Loki, I am afraid I cannot do that. I, I would be exiled if anyone was to find out-" he stammered.

Loki rolled his eyes. In the darkness, it was invisible. At the drop of a hat, his cold demeanour melted into something softer. "Oh," he sighed, "It is a shame. Any man that could do such a favor for me would receive most... delightful rewards." He smirked. The servant inhaled shakily as Loki moved closer to him, leaning close so that his lips brushed his ear as he whispered, "I pray you guess what exactly they are. Or do you require a hint?" Loki bent down, kissing him with an exaggerated sigh. He certainly wasn't Loki's first on his make-out list, but all things considered, he wasn't too horrible. A bit much with the tongue, but Loki couldn't truly blame him. Everyone wanted a piece of his hot ass. That was utterly trivial; all that mattered was that Loki was going to get his way.

"I'll do it," the servant said, leaning in to kiss Loki once more.

"Ah, ah, ah," he said, backing away, "More later. You have a mission to go on, do you not, my love?" Loki gagged internally. "Do not make it obvious that you are kidnapping the bitch. Tell her the Allmother wishes to see her, something like that. Insist that it is most important."

"Consider it done."

\--

Loki stood hidden in a distant alcove in the hallway. The servant- whatever the hel his name was- was taking far longer than he had expected. In his idle time, Loki was able to sketch a lovely landscape piece in the sketchbook he always kept handy. He wasn’t sure why.

He was starting on drawing Jane hanging from Yggdrasil when the servant returned. “It is done,” he said proudly, “I am willing to receive my reward now.”

Loki waved him off, “I’d prefer not to. Thank you for your assistance, servant.”

\--

Loki returned to the broom closet, muttering a spell in an ancient tongue. Starting at his extremities, his features grew slighter and more delicate. In place of the angular planes of his body were smooth, womanly curves. If the spell had worked as he planned, he looked exactly like Jane fucking Foster. Brilliant.

He walked back into the hall, minding his demeanour. Thor smiled at him – at Jane as he neared. “Thor,” he said warmly, his voice sounding precisely like that of Jane, “Sorry that took so long. On my way back from your mom, I saw Loki. He told me about that entire spell thing you two were talking about and, well,” Loki to the floor bashfully, “I think we should go back to your room.”

Thor smiled, “Oh, I see just what you mean.” His voice rumbled through Loki as he was drawn into Thor’s furnace of a body. “Let us make haste, I would hate to keep you waiting.”                                                                                                                                 

\--

Thor carried Loki back to his chambers because, well, he was Thor. Once inside, Thor wasted little time, lowering them both onto his bed.

"Could you go slow?" he whispered as Thor crawled over him.

Thor breathed out a laugh, kissing at Loki-- Jane's neck as if it was the most ridiculous thing in the world. "Of course, I would never hurt you."

Loki wished to tell Thor that he loved him, but he remembered whose mouth it would come from. Instead, he let himself enjoy the night pretending that every touch was meant not for Jane but him.


End file.
